therapy. therapists. and other things like psychology.

I was on a really good streak for a while with the gym and eating stuff but I got kind of crazy with it. Then things got really hectic, school and work got crazy, and when it comes down to it, I just kind of got really lazy. 

Today I started craniosacral therapy with a chiropractor. I think she also wants to do some NAET allergy elimination techniques to see if allergies have anything to do with why I always feel kind of off, especially since i’m allergic to mold.

It’s a more hands on version of therapy that takes your physical issues and you not only get physical relief through the hands on work, but it also goes much farther to find the deeper rooted issues causing the problems. 

The doctor I am going to is not only talented in that she does this form of therapy, but she is extremely in tune to her patients and their feelings.

I’m not going to go into detail about a lot of things, but I’m explain the best I can so you guys get a feel for what she does.

I laid on a warm water table that massaged my back first which was wonderful, I could have just laid there foreverr. 

We talked and i laid on the table and she said you don’t need to answer but i’m going to ask questions and talk toyou. Then she said “Why can’t you breathe?” and to me this has a whole lot of significance. It actually means something. She kind of just moved up to my head and neck and realigned me and asked me questions.

We did talk about my weight. one thing she asked me is if i find myself binge eating, which I definitely do, and lately it has been bad. I just mentioned it to parker yesterday that i have been doing that recently. 

She also asked if i was trying to lose weight, and that if i was i needed to stop, because the obsession with the weight is a way for me to distract myself from the real issues that are going on. and losing the weight would almost be like taking an aspirin for a migraine problem. i could have a headache for 30 years and take aspirin every day which stops the symptoms but never fixes the root of the problem.

She told me to stop trying to lose the weight and work through the problems first because I’m holding onto the weight kind of like protection from my fears and from the pain. and until i actually work through the pain I won’t lose the weight…. but to continue to try to eat healthy and to work out just so physically feel better since i explained that those things do make me feel better and stuff but not to OBSESS. 

once i work through the deeper issues, I will be able to start doing that.

i explained to her that i gained the weight during what was literally the worst year of my entire life and every time i look in the mirror i am reminded of it and i want to get rid of it. every single insecurity or issue i have started with one person and one awful year of my life. 

she kept saying all these things that i didn’t even mention she just knew. 

she asked me to say any sentence, the first thing that came to my head. and i said “i hate the book i am reading but i feel like i need to finish it because i would feel guilty for paying for it if i didn’t finish it” and she said “those are two things that you need to let go of and get rid of in your life… hate and guilt.” and i was speechless. because she is right. those things. blame. stubbornness. insecurity. and the walls i put up.

she said to me i did the right thing by going her and wanting to work through it all. she also said that she thinks we will be able to do it. 

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