This Saturday marks the end of the biggest loser competition that my trainer put together. It was about 4 months long, and I have come pretty far. Since the first weigh in, I have lost a little more than 12 pounds (I think…?) and I am very proud of that.
But the thing that kind of confuses me and makes me quite angry is during all those weeks, the fact that I was doing this competition did not even cross my mind, not ONCE, until I had to weigh in. I was losing weight anyway, I was changing my lifestyle, may as well turn it up a little and try to win a few bucks. I did pretty well throughout the whole thing, and this week things shifted and I found out I had one week left instead of two, and I got nervous.
Now, since I am suddenly AWARE that there is actually something on the line here, that I could lose the chance to win this money, I am literally sabotaging myself. I haven’t slept enough, my eating is all off track, I am overthinking everything I put into my mouth, worrying about scales and numbers….all for a few extra bucks that I could desperately use right now. For a plane ticket, for my loan payment, for some work clothes, to pay my taxes.
Like I said, I didn’t just do the challenge to lose weight, I was doing it anyway and I plan on continuing to do it, but as soon as I remembered I was involved in the process for a reward, the stress came back and I feel like I need to do this. I just want to win to prove to myself that I could do it but this week, mentally, I’ve been in such a strange place overthinking every little thing and I don’t like it.
I am looking forward to it being over.
Keep your fingers crossed that I win, or I at least come in top 5 (out of 8).