I have been thinking a lot lately, about losing weight, life, work, everything really.
The main thing my thoughts have brought me back to is stepping out of my comfort zone.
I’ve always been stuck in the same rut, and the same routine, and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact I was always saying “I can’t”.
I didn’t think I could lose weight because I was always told it would be impossible and hard for someone with PCOS, even thought losing weight was the only thing that would “reverse” it, so to speak. I didn’t think I could do theater again because I didn’t have your typical theater look and body for the stage. I didn’t think I could get into those jeans that were a size smaller, I didn’t even think I’d be able to make it though college and graduate, but I did. I DID do all these things.
That “I can’t” mentality has followed me all over, and I think I felt so much pressure to do things that I literally couldn’t. I always felt like the weight of the word was on my shoulders, to the point where accomplishing anything felt impossible. It felt like I would never be able to do so many things I always have wanted to do.
Now that I am getting used to doing things I am not comfortable with, I can look at myself much differently than I used to. I don’t look at myself in the mirror and think see the things I don’t like about myself much anymore. I see more of the improvements and changes that I’ve been making. I notice that I’m having a really great hair day, or these boots look good with this outfit. I can hear myself singing and performing at a whole new level I have never thought possible. I think about the way I feel after a work out, and I may be so sore I can’t move, but I felt that way because of something I DID that I never in my life thought I would ever do. No one can take that from me.
I think I just got to the point were I was finished feeling sorry for myself and I was done with making excuses. I want and I need to do something.
My brain hates me for putting it through this, and my anxiety is at a new high, but it’s because I’m making myself do the things I didn’t think I would.
No matter what you’re doing in your life, you need to step away from what is familiar and what is comfortable because if you don’t, you will never find out what you are capable of. This is something that took me 23 years to realize, and I’m so glad I did.
It’s only the beginning.