Today, a good friend of mine commented on my weight. She said “You look great! Have you lost more weight?” and I was so flattered. It’s occasionally really nice to hear people say things like that. Today was a day that the pick me up was nice. Some days you just really aren’t feeling right, your’e sad, you’re cranky, and that little compliment can make you feel good. Last week, I really was not feeling right about any of this weight loss stuff, and I even physically just did not feel like myself. The issue absolutely was the things I was eating. It showed on the scale too with my small weight gain, but I didn’t let it bother me. I had to many other things to focus on from the week.
As she complimented me, she also commented on the fact that my jeans look big on me and that she thought it was time to go to the next size down. For some reason, this was a strange thought to me. I pulled the jeans out to show how much room I had in them, and how baggy they were in the worst places, but I still tried to come up with every reason why I couldn’t fit into the next size smaller.
Why do we do that? Someone says, you have lost weight, your pants are huge on you, and you just say “Well, I have huge thighs so I don’t think the next size smaller would fit me”. Why are we unable to just say “Thanks”? It is the most bizarre thing ever. I want to be able to just take the compliment for what it is but for some reason it’s hard for me to do, no matter who it is from. But Laur if you read this, thanks for the little boost in confidence. I may act like I hate compliments but sometimes they help me see the things I can’t.
Looking in the mirror sometimes doesn’t just work for me. I notice big changes when I put two pictures next to each other, but besides that I still feel like the person I was 40 pounds ago some days, which I think holds me back a whole lot. Mentally, I don’t believe I have lost the weight and I am convinced that I need to be cautious with the things I wear, and do. But that mentality needs to go. I think I’m going to add something to “the list of shit I need to work on”- that something being lose the “fat kid” mental block. I am clearly able to do much more than I am letting myself, so I have to let go and just TRY. I think my problem is I want to be good at everything and I don’t want to have to modify wods or be nervous when I see what is coming up because I’m afraid I can’t do something. It’s probably asking a lot of myself, really, but it would be an amazing feeling to just be confident in what I can do.
With all my stress out there in the open, I will move onto a more positive topic. The whole reason I started this journey was essentially to be healthy. I wanted to reverse the PCOS I have, I wanted to reduce the stomach issues I had, all kinds of reasons. But the last straw was getting a coupon for the Ralph Lauren outlet in the mail. I was so sad and depressed that I couldn’t shop there anymore because I didn’t fit in the clothes, so I decided to do something about it. I have a ton of RL oxford shirts I got while I was in high school, but once I hit college, I could hardly wear them.
This is the last time I was able to wear one of them, and even this was pushing it for me. That’s when they started to get tight. Since then, they have been with my aunt who was lucky enough to be able to wear them! Once I started training, I asked for them back and tried them on. The arms were so tight, The shoulders would have torn if I moved, and the buttons didn’t even come close to buttoning. Today, I tried one on. Not only did it fit perfectly in the arms and shoulders…but I was able to button it all the way. Clearly, it doesn’t fit like it used to, but getting it buttoned was the best step I could have taken in the right direction. I will be shopping there again in no time at this rate 🙂
I have been recognizing the importance of non scale victories more and more lately. It’s also been a nice distraction from the scale, and much more rewarding as well.
Here’s to many more.