Today:

I had a weird day.

I had a funeral, which had a lunch after. I ate crabcakes with sides of risotto and veggies, then it ended with one scoop of ice cream. That, however, did not stop me from eating ice cream later in the night…after a two hour nap. I would say that today was mildly unproductive, but I packed up my lunch for tomorrow, planned my workout, and I am ready to move on. No sense in me dwelling in what I did today. Besides, it could have been a WHOLE lot worse.

But here I am being honest with what I did, and I know what I have to do tomorrow in order to not just give up, but to get back on track. I think I am going to do a Turbofire workout tomorrow with my usual workout buddies, which makes me happy. Having friends to workout with makes the process much more enjoyable for me. 

I am also excited for Park to send me the Les Mills Combat videos, they seem like something that I would enjoy doing as well. 

I have been throwing around the idea of joining a gym too. My old gym offers great classes, so if they have a summer promotion, I may see if my workout buddies would be interested in joining along with me. I always liked that gym so maybe now is the time.

I also wanted to bring up that lately I have kind of felt like I have been under the microscope. Every choice I make and everything I eat has been judged and it hasn’t been a nice feeling. I’m trying a little TOO hard to make this successful, and sometimes it also makes me unhappy. Today that’s how I felt when I went and got ice cream. 

I’m a human. I’m not perfect. I don’t eat vegetables and plain chicken every meal. Sometimes I eat a roll with lunch and sometimes I have ice cream for dinner, and I shouldn’t feel guilty because it isn’t how I live my day to day life. I have been much more focused on what I am trying to do, and as much as I struggle, I am equally as motivated now to spend the summer getting to my goal, but I also don’t want to feel like it’s not okay to have bad days.

As I mentioned before, it’s much more than just a physical act of losing weight. I am still learning to say no (for the most part), I’m learning how to eat properly…find the foods that make me successful and also don’t make me sick, and I am learning the things that help me progress. My mental state is all over the place. It’s a slow journey to get my head where my heart is, but I know it is for the best and I’m not going to give up.

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