Really though, it’s a mild problem. Every time I get onto my computer I am looking up local auditions for opportunities to sing, or perform, or sending my acting resume out to different companies and groups, and each time I am involved in something related to theater…my love grows more.
More than anything, I wish that I could take a year….just one year to travel around and audition for shows and national tours and just go with the flow to see what happens. I want to live in a brownstone in NYC, I want to see a show on a Wednesday night just because I’m bored, I’m there, and I can, I want todo EVERYTHING.
Right now, I feel like I am so STUCK. I apply for all these other full time jobs I also know I would love, only to be faced with more rejection and more frustration. As much as I would love those jobs I am searching for, it’s always in the back of my mind… WHAT IF I just went for it? What if I had followed my heart, went to a school specifically for theater and was doing what I LOVE? Maybe I would have been much more successful in college if I had done that. Maybe I would have been happier.
I know it would have resulted in me still working a mediocre part time job while I tried to make it as a SOMEONE, but I would have been actively trying. I love the audition process, I love auditioning…and I know it’s crazy, but I am very much a realist. I know that it would have come with a lot of rejection but not any more rejection than I’m getting already from the job market. That is something I know I could do and do WELL, and it’s scary to think that I almost gave it up when I went to college. I was ready to never do it again.
I have never been so thankful for an extra curricular activity. I feel like theater is the one thing that gives me a meaning and a purpose. I am meant to be on stage in some way.
Scott Alan’s song “I’m a Star” is the song that keeps me going and gives me hope that one day I will get my big chance.
I am never going to give this up again, no matter what anyone tells me. I believe in myself when it comes to this, if nothing else.