Today I had my audition for a new “pop up” cabaret concert that will be in Philly starting at the end of June. It will be performing at different theaters, concert hall, or any space in the Philly area. Also, they will be holding the occasional fundraiser to keep the group going.
Nervous wasn’t even the word to describe how I felt. I got to go to the Walnut Street Theater and sing alongside an absolutely amazing accompanist and I felt like I was the luckiest person in the entire world (also the most nervous). I got the chance to audition for a great opportunity and I will always be thankful for that. It isn’t every day that an audition like this comes along so to be able to get an audition slot made me happy. When I first found out about it, I decided that I would go in there and just try to do my absolute best no matter what happens in the end.
On the ride there, I was thinking about what it means to have confidence. When I was in college, confidence is something I lacked. I didn’t feel comfortable with myself and with where I was going in life, so it took a lot for me to take any risks. I walked places with my head down and I never gave myself the credit I deserved for the things that I was and am good at. I felt like I didn’t have the talent, so why should I try my very best.
The past two years, I have learned a lot about myself.
I have spent so much time worrying about the things that other people have said to be…insulting me, telling me about every last one of my flaws, causing me to make excuses for myself as to why I wasn’t as successful as I would have like to have been. I wasn’t good at acting. I couldn’t dance. I couldn’t hit that note. I was nervous.
I didn’t get cast in these shows solely because of the way that I had been presenting myself in auditions. I have enough talent and I need to be confident in that, but I am not always going to be the person they are looking for.